hope in a jar

oh me

you know that scene in really cheesy movies (like in those made-for-TV tween movies) where all these bad and unlikely things happen to the protagonist. and she's looking for comfort and sympathy from her best friend while wallowing in her own misery. then her friends says something close to "well it can't get any worse can it?" then the nuclear bomb drops and the main character winds up finding out that her mom has cancer, her bestfriend stole her boyfriend, etc, etc and essentially her life is over.

thats the story of my life yo.
except I"M the one who keeps saying "it can't get any worse" and it DOES.
oh and I also don't get to live happily ever after, the boy I like doesn't suddenly realize we were made for eachother, I don't get made prom queen and nothing is resolved by the end of 2 hours or whenever the movie ends.

thanks to a doctor, some ill prescribed cream, and my ill equipped body. I just wound up with well, I;ll just refer to it as a permenant skin irritation.
I had really kept it to myself hoping at first that it would go away. but then I got REALLY PISSED because I'm pretty sure it was all the doctors fault (wondering how many ppls lives that doctor fucks up on a daily basis) and I NEEDED TO KNOW if there was anything I could do to make it go away. I saw another doctor, (not the one who screwed me over, albeit, unknowingly) but another one who told me she was gonna set me up w/ a dermatologist who could correctly diagnose my situation. she told me there was nothing I could do for now and to leave it alone. I was so upset I almost burst into tears in the examination room. (just to be melodramatic, my life is over and I'm ugly forever) but I managed to control myself tho my voice got all choked up. I REALLY DON"T NEED THIS RIGHT NOW. and the message on the doctors face was clear: "it sucks to be you"

and it does, it truely does.

and really I wasn't accusing but she sensed I was seriously pissed at the other doctor, quickly smoothing over by explaining that the cream I was given probably had nothing to do with it.
BULLSHIT.

I really should have seemed more menacing, been more pissed, just to let her know her collegue had ruined a poor innocent kids life. oh well, IF he did screw me over I am SO TAKING ACTION.

but truely, its just another tragedy in the endless ones that make up my life.
at least this story will make those reading this feel better "thank god I'm not her, thank god I've got perfect flawless skin "
enjoy it while it lasts...my heartfelt advice for all

its almost like punishment

**sighhhh

as soon as I try to turn things around...everything collapses again, its like: why do i even try??

completely exhausting weekend, I realized that
A) my parents are assholes (mom especially)
B) now that I'm not doing math I have to get A in bio12...not happening...yet
C) my life is complete shit
D) have no money, and no job, therefore have to depend on shitty parents to support me
E) I'm alone

gahhh why does everything go wrong??
ppl say you always have a choice...but I know one thing, you can't choose your family. I certainly wouldn't have chosen mine.

so sad and unhappy, everything is going wrong...wish I had already graduated and moved out, then everything would be better. 
and honestly, I have a superhigh level of tolerence for shit, I realize, though i'm not sure if thats a good thing.
lesser persons then me would have gone insane and shaved their head or something I'm sure.
right now home is a place that makes me sad

bleh I'm so depressed...
and now its time for more homework...

ants in my pants

hmmm
I've read all the past posts and they are all written by some sort of retarded sad, angry bitch character.
its time to change it up and write something positive and more in the direction of "well, I am in the opinion of..."
like everyone else on xanga is doing.
I am a sheep, I follow the herd.

actually this is my pity page where I come to bitch and moan about trivial and stupid things that I do. but we are all human aren't we? this is my way of blowing off steam.

TODAY: is friday,
FRIDAY!
hooray!

no more summer school for two entire days!!!
but then there is a stupid midterm to do for bio12
how horrible.
my class is so boring and the tests are so hard.
I'm glad the teacher that teaches it isn't from my school
I'd get a bad mark if she was teaching me for the year, but its a years worth compounded into 1 month, at lest this way I'm able to retain info a little better.

A solution to the ant problem:
-in my other blog I'd noted that a swarm of ants have invaded out house. (by coming in underneath the door cracks I'm sure) but instead of getting a new door, (as I suggested) mark (stepfather figure, I refuse to call him dad) has decided just to kill them all. Isn't that what ppl do when faced with a problem?? either diestroy it or ignore it. in this case destroy it. and so he's got poisoned ant food placed at our doors now. I feel so bad and guilty, we should all share our homes with mother nature. but in truth I really hate bugs so I don't really know what to do. (I don't want them to die I just don't want them in my house)

ahh well hopefully they wont all die. maybe some will survive and live on

the big idiot theory

what the hell?
did I just pay a guy $50 dollars to teach me nothing>>????
yes. I did.
fuck
why am I so stupid???
we spent 2 hrs going over concepts but not even doing a problem.
and now I have no idea how to even apply concepts to solve the problems I'm faced with.
feel like crying. I hate math, and those assshole tutors who keep sucking me dry but not adding anything to my mental capacity, I totally forgot everything he said...
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grr im so pissed